chickenshoot (chickenshoot) wrote,

Holiday Always in Jeopardy


One day I didn't feel well and stayed in bed in front of the tv, and I flipped between two channels showing Christmas shows round the clock. Over the course of the day, the following people/animal/objects saved Christmas:

Patrick Swayze
Dolly Parton (as an angel)
Dolly Parton (as a country singer)
A dog
Another dog
A litter of puppies
A kid
Another kid
A tree
An elf

That's just one afternoon of Hallmark & Family channel...And although I haven't seen them, I'm pretty sure Ernest, Elmo, bears, and various other dogs and kids and your mom have saved it too.

And then if Christmas isn't being "saved," the other theme is that Santa Claus is in danger of being swindled, kidnapped, replaced, delayed, shut-down, retiring, dying, not having an heir, needing a wife, jack-knifing the sleigh, getting too skinny, being bored, getting lost, and no longer having any fans. Why can't Santa have a simple problem that isn't job/life-threatening?

Kids shouldn't have to worry about Santa's cholesterol or that he doesn't wear a seatbelt. And although I appreciate her effort, kids shouldn't find out Santa's hot daughter is running the North Pole because the real Santa's secretly been dead for the last 10 years. I don't want it revealed that Santa is a robot or that he has an alcoholic brother or that deep down he really hates his gig.

I rate Santa jeopardy and nearly-cancelled Christmases up there with that soothing holiday classic song, "Please Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas." Sorry, kids.

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