Things that make feel crazy lately...
The other day I started to put jam on my toast, and then I thought, darnit, we don't have any---I specifically remember being told we don't. When I checked anyway, I was surprised to find a full jar, and I had to stand there for a minute with it in my hand while I came to the conclusion that someone telling me there was no jam was part of a dream I had the night before... Because jam is important enough to dream about, right?
Tonight I went to put a new medicine in Acorn's eye, and I stopped myself for a moment, wondering if I was going for the correct eye. Then she tilted her head at me, reminding me that SHE ONLY HAS ONE EYE. Well, that eliminates some guesswork these days.
This afternoon I sat down in a waiting room with several other people and their dogs. Then the technician brought out the tiniest dog I've ever seen, and it was wearing the tiniest cone around its head, and it had a fresh scar where its teeny tiny eye used to be. The owner was asking if the dog would be okay, and how will the scar look when it's healed, etc., and I pointed at Acorn. Then another woman turned her one-eye dog around for us to see, then another... THEN ANOTHER ONE-EYED DOG just walked right up to us and sat down. Every damn dog in the room only had one eye.
And it makes me feel crazy to live in California. Still. I feel lost and weird. It's beautiful and the weather is great and my new job is great... but none of it seems real. I think I'm stuck in an episode of Fantasy Island, and Mr. Rourke will not let me out of this story until I come to some big realization about myself. And Rourke will say, "See, you knew this all along, and now that you've acknowledged it, you may get on the plane and go back to hell---I mean Texas." And I happily go.
And when I get out of this episode I am back at my house, and my dogs are playing in the backyard, and everyone has two eyeballs, and it's so hot out I can fry an egg on the sidewalk, but I don't care. I'm home.