chickenshoot (chickenshoot) wrote,
chickenshoot
chickenshoot

New and Not Improved







It seems like nowadays people are obsessed with replacing everything --- it's new or it's crap, there is no in between (maybe there is a pre-crap category where most people hover, about to be dissatisfied). 



Death row of old chairs...


A home makeover involves throwing out everything, not altering the existing furniture. It's so wasteful. Nearly everything in my house was bought used, so you could say our house is nothing but crap.




When given the choice between a plain silver lamp and one with a cartoon deer base, how can you possibly choose the silver one? How, I ask?



Usually I see a "before" and "after" bathroom makeover, and I'm extremely fond of the "before" version.



If I came across this mustard-colored sink, toilet, and bathtub I'd scream, "MINE!!".... But someone ripped it all out and replaced it with this cold sleek hotel bathroom. 


I mean, as long as everything functions in that room, what's wrong with colored tiles from the 50's or fun art deco patterns, colors?
 


Happy fun 50's bathrooms:


Say, how about some privacy for that shower? That would tempt me to seal the door and fill the bath 8 feet high like my own giant human aquarium...


Extremely serious & extremely brown modern bathroom:


(Somehow the strange no-privacy shower tradition lives on)




And who decided that completely blaaaah poop taupe color is so damn desirable and classic?


"I am Taupe, God of safe colors."




If it's not your stuff or the rooms of your house, it might be YOU. Nowadays someone might yank you off the street and tell you that the latest poll shows you look 18 years older than your true age. You break down and cry, and the hosts of this evil show finally say, ok, we're gonna help you out.



"If we target these areas, we might be able to convert you into an acceptable human specimen."

Then they chop your hair, get you contact lenses, whiten your teeth and buy you a new outfit.  Then you are placed in a display case in a mall parking lot for the strangers to comment on, "Hey, she looks pretty good."   And then it's announced, "There, you are now an acceptable human being," and you cry and thank them...  By the way, I really just saw that on tv.




Someone might find that your dog needs a makeover too. Again I prefer the "before" picture...


And if it's not complete strangers approaching you, it might be your friends doing a fashion intervention through a makeover show, which also makes you cry as they throw out your clothes and point out how shitty you look.  Also saw that on tv. By the way, I'd get rid of those friends immediately...



...but only after a few choice harsh words.






Other makeovers....

Strawberry Shortcake has been given a makeover because she looked too much like a character. I think they even removed her disfiguring godforsaken freckles.






And there was a tragic Looney Tunes makeover:


 

"The futuristic descendants of the Looney Tunes characters become superheroes when the aftershock of an alien meteor grants them each with strange new powers..."      yuck.





I've always loved Tinkerbell...


Her tragic transition to Bratz doll gang member seemed to happen overnight.



At least she hasn't been put on a diet yet.


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