chickenshoot (chickenshoot) wrote,

Unhealthy Addictions

All summer I was going through the Great Cake Era, where I needed a piece, a bite, a photograph---however I could have cake. 

No, not chocolate cake. Ever. 

I wanted white birthday or wedding cakes. White cake, white icing.  Cake that looks like the cleanest white sponge in my head---I looked at my Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and thought of cake while I washed dishes. Spackle and smooth white walls make me think of icing. I've had dreams that I'm eating cake.

The Cake Era phased into the dawn of the English Muffin Period as the seasons changed.  I've already gone thru a toast addiction for the last year, but one day the grainy flourless and somewhat healthy toast was replaced with sourdough English Muffins, which are good for nothing. Oh, except for my soul. The sourdough smells like a teenager's socks while toasting, but no matter. And so what if they aren't really English or muffins. 

I'm thinking that after 20 years or so of denying myself white bread or much cake that one day I just snapped: WHITE FLOUR MAKES ME VERY HAPPY. I am going to try to reel this in, though, before I become a Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade float.


My other sickness is The Hardy Boys, which I grew up watching in the 70's. Of course I had a crush on that magical fairy chipmunk, Shaun Cassidy.  He had a goofy little smile that looked like a wolf baring his teeth, while still sweetly curling up in the corners---I dare you to find that combination anywhere else on the planet. Ok, he sang goofy songs and danced like a girl, but I forgive this for his smile and the shiny feathered hair...

Fairy chipmunk: cute.  Parker Stevenson: work of art. There should be paintings of Frank Hardy in museums, and his glowing blue eyes could light his section of the gallery without electricity. I mean, holy cow, he might have had the loveliest hair and eyes to ever grace a completely retarded tv show.

Ok, I watched this show with the utmost love in my heart for these boys when I was 10 or 12, but this summer I watched a dozen episodes as a great escape from this sometimes mean and bizarre world. The Hardy boys live in a nice clean happy time, and even when they solved mysteries, no one died. Frank and Joe have the friendliest banter with each other, solve crime together effortlessly and with a great attitude, and my goodness but they are always there for each other. Nicest brothers/friends anyone could have. I want to be their friend and drive around in the van and take fingerprints, and we'll celebrate at the end of the day by watching Joe swing his tiny hips onstage again. And Frank always gets the girl at the end. I'll be that girl, Frank!

God, I'm stupid. I'm sure the fellow who wrote the original series of books never meant for an audience like me. I did read every single book at the library before I watched the tv show...


Other sickness:  Alias Smith & Jones.  I watched this show as a kid as well, and again I was in love with the two main fellows, played by and the elfin, ridiculously dimpled Pete Duel (left),  and the baby-faced Paul Newman twin, Ben Murphy (right):

This was about two outlaws, Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry, who decided to go straight. Because they never killed anyone in all of their robberies, the governer tells them he will give them amnesty if they stay out of trouble for a year. No one knows about this bargain, though, so they are still wanted, and they have to go by Smith & Jones while they try wandering around working honest odd jobs.

I usually hate westerns... But this show was funny, and I can only think of a couple episodes where someone gets killed. And the premise was so perfect, the chemistry between these two actors so awesome, the writing so fun---well, I just can't describe why I like it so much, but nowadays when looking around the internet, I can see tons of people who are also butt-nuts about this show that lasted three years and has been gone for 35.  This fan mania is what got the show on dvd this year so that I could finally see it again.

Too bad the show died after the third season because Pete Duel killed himself. This is something ya can't help thinking about constantly while watching the show. He was sooooo charming, and just really natural and funny.  

31 years old and seemingly on top of the world, but you never know who is really depressed all the way to their bones. Nope. You don't...  It's sickening to think he's not around.

Ben Murphy was equally charming in other ways, and these two guys were so perfect together that I begin to wonder stupid things like, oh, where could this road trip together ever end?  If these two long-time friends rode all over the U.S. having adventures together, how would one of them ever settle down with a woman while the other one moves on?

Who would want to settle down anywhere when there's super cool cowboy clothes to put on, campfires to sleep by, horses to ride, bounty hunters to outrun, plans to hatch, whiskey to drink, poker games to play...?  No, they have to keep going forever. I would. Keep riding till a bounty hunter finally shoots you both in the back and ends it for you.

I NEVER thought I'd wish to be a cowboy, but lately I do. I'd have been a non-violent, charitable bank-robber, I swear.


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