chickenshoot (chickenshoot) wrote,

Public Restrooms and Such...

My bladder must be the size of a walnut, maybe smaller, which becomes increasingly crippling on a day of errands unless I hold off from ALL liquids hours before I hit the streets. Now I sympathize with the bed-wetting kids who beg for a glass of water in the evening. The answer is NO.

Glad I could share that with you.

Ok, I was just getting around to saying that I find myself in lots of public restrooms. Well, if they are presentable---otherwise I'm willing to be severely pained until I find my way home (again, sharing too much info to get to my point). And as I come across more restrooms on this earth, I find that about half of them were designed with absolutely NO SENSE BEHIND THEM. It seems the architect can do a decent building that has opening/closing doors and room for customers and the goods they buy, etc., but the bathrooms themselves are thrown together by the architect's slightly slow kid or something...

THE DOORS ON THE STALLS NEVER STAY SHUT. We've had latches and doorknobs and assorted locks for hundreds of years, but somehow this simple technology is lost in public bathrooms. MANY different strange little rinky-dinky contraptions have been designed to hold the door in place, and about 90% of these designs fail to withstand even the breeze created by someone walking near the stall. Ladies, next time you are in a stall, LOOK at the freaking latch---the connection between the lock and the stall wall has an overlap of less than a centimeter. Or the latch is so shaky that the vibration of someone shutting another stall will cause your latch to fall away.

Btw, that door is gonna swing open and three ladies are gonna be there looking at you. They can't help it. I can't help it. Our eyes just lock on automatically because subconsciously we always have to force ourselves to fully register something we're not supposed to be seeing: that mortified stranger sitting on a toilet staring back at us.

I'm thinking the crappy latches are designed so that doors can be shaken open when a kid locks himself in there, but hey, isn't that why there's like two feet of space under the door? Make the kids crawl---they shouldn't have gone in there alone if they couldn't get out.


Space-Age "sensor" technology that may or may not turn on the water, dispense paper towels or flush your goddamn toilet when you may or may not want any of the above. Sometimes the toilet will flush itself three times before I can get myself out of the stall, thanks!---I find myself running from the red-eye of the toilet police before anymore water is wasted.

Most of the time the water, paper towels and soap sensors DO NOT WORK, and everyone in the bathroom is standing around waving their hands like morons to no avail. PLEASE just let me turn a knob all old-school. I can do it. Let's all demand the use of our hands again.

Hot/cold water knobs are always switched. I'm thinking perhaps they are installed by someone who doesn't speak the language, but hey, I think if it's your JOB to install these handles it might not hurt to learn what "H" and "C" imply here. It would be a very quick and useful lesson. And if you are in charge of these guys who constantly get it wrong, WHY DON'T YOU CARE?

Oh, and bless the sink handle that turns around into infinity either direction. You know you've encountered one of these, and you know you've had to leave one running before because you couldn't find a way to turn the damn thing off. It's not your fault... There's also the handle that can be turned a micro amount to produce a fire-hose force of water that splashes your whole front. Those are cool and can be found in the form of a drinking fountain in the lobby as well.

I'll concede that latches and sensors and sink handle installation might be beyond the architect's control, but they cannot escape blame for my last gripe. That's when the DOOR TO THE RESTROOM OPENS TO A DIRECT VIEW OF ALL TOILETS/STALLS. Great thinking there, guys. If everyone walking by the restroom can fully see ladies going in and out of the stalls (with shaky stall doors spontaneously springing open, mind you) WHY PUT ANY DOORS AT ALL?

Ok, I realize some folks can't read very far without illustrations and pictures to break up the text, so I'm always googling for some stupid picture to put between. I appreciate you hanging out thru this gross and stupid rant, and I've stumbled across a nice photo of a camel in a bathroom to wrap things up:

If you love camels, have I got news for you! This picture came from a site devoted to camel pictures. Yes, there IS a site for EVERYTHING these days. What's troubling me is that I'm really certain I've come across this site several times in the last few years while looking up things not related to camels. Their collection of photos must cover many many areas.

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