chickenshoot (chickenshoot) wrote,

Rat Zinger

I don't know about you, but the new pope scares me. Everything from his freaky name to the creepy black circles around his eyes... this might seem disrespectful for me to say about such an important fellow, but I can't ignore my built-in zombie alert system:

Seems like there would be a few rules for getting the pope gig, two of which he's broken:

1. Pope's name cannot include a rodent (rat)
2. Pope's name cannot include a joke or a comic book action (zinger)
3. Pope's face cannot induce nightmares or evoke feelings of dread.
4. New pope needs to be A LOT younger than the old pope so that he doesn't have to be replaced again next year.
5. Pope can't get around rule #4 by already being dead, a.k.a. the "living dead."

But Ratzinger IS doing all he can to keep his image peppy and friendly. Things like posing with the little people:

And he's traded in his traditional white pope costume for something young and fresh:

And recently he approved a Vatican report that says there are "serious" grounds to hope that children who die without being baptized can go to heaven. That's awfully darn nice of him, 'cause I imagine babies in hell all the time.

[Fun fact: Fourth-century bishop St. Augustine wrote that unbaptized infants go to hell, but suffer only the "mildest condemnation." Ya see, full-on hell is not for children.]

"Babies will no longer go to hell, I tells ya!"

I must say, though, that my instincts tell me to remain wary of Mr. Ratzinger, and I'm ashamed to say that my fears are still based on his face and his disdain for Harry Potter. Let him be pope for now, but I think those around him should be on standby with garlic and silver bullets just in case.

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.