chickenshoot (chickenshoot) wrote,

Hide and Seek


A long time ago I had a dream about my cousin who had died young. We were in my grandma's driveway, on opposite sides of a car, oddly. It felt as though the car was there as a barrier, keeping this experience more like a glimpse of him instead of getting to fully approach him.

He was leaning on the roof of the car in such bright sunshine that it was hard to look at him. I was trying to ask him questions about where he is these days, and he shook his head and said, "I can't tell you, but you will like it A LOT."

I knew that all of the family happened to be inside the house that day, which seemed like a holiday. I told him they would love to see him. He said he would like to go inside, but he wanted me to go in first and let them know, then he'd follow.

So I went in the house, and told everyone he was outside and that he was coming in to see them. We all looked at the front door expectantly. 

And then I realized this all felt slightly familiar, and I had a pang of disappointment/panic. A couple times my cousin had told us younger kids to play hide-and-seek, that he would count to 30 and come look for us. We would do so, happy to have his attention, and then 15 minutes would pass before we got bored in our hiding places and came out to realize that he was not looking. He had headed off with one of his friends and was just getting us out of his hair.

In the dream as I remembered this, I ran outside, and sure enough he was gone. Got us again.

Watched the movie Paperhouse this morning, which always reminds me of this dream and makes me sad and happy. 


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