My teeth are packed so tightly together that I have to get a running start to shove floss between them. When I bite down on an apple and somehow get some fiber jammed between my teeth, mouth reaches critical pressure level, and alarms are sounded. I can't think straight until foreign object is removed.
Yesterday I was driving back to work from an errand, and I pull over in the shade along the way to eat my sandwich. As usual, I manage to get some food wedged RIGHT HERE:
As demonstrated by this woman with lovely teeth
It's either hopelessly lodged there like towel between two cinder blocks, or magically glued in a small recess on the front of the teeth --- usually the latter incident. And if it's just sitting there on the front, I can't just wipe it away. No, I need a toothpick or floss or emergency tools.
So I'm sitting there completely focused and pissed about the pepper lodged there, and I KNOW it's there because it's burning like the ass that pepper can be if you try to keep it around and be friends instead of swallowing it.
There are no toothpicks or floss in my purse or car, of course, and for OCD and burning reasons I can't just leave it till I get back to work. What's the smallest pointiest thing available to use to pry this loose? --- no, not keys or anything else that comes to mind. Wait, there's a drafting pencil in my glovebox.
Not recommended by the American Dental Association
Oh, hey, it's got a pointy little tip on it. I KNOW better, but I do it anyway.
I poke at my teeth, push at pepper, and a piece of lead breaks off in my teeth to join the pepper.
I suppose I should have slowed down and looked to see if there was lead, but you know if I'd wanted to write with the pencil there would be no lead --- and naturally there IS lead when I need it as a dental tool.
So then I've got lead kinda crammed in the recess between my front teeth, and I REALLY can't let that go for the drive. I search for more tools.
A pen with a very fine tip. Slooow down --- does it still have ink? Surely it's baked from being in my car. Nope, doesn't write on my hand. Dried up.
But I'll be damned if it doesn't write on the space between my teeth. Ink fills the recess now.
Now sporting pepper, pencil lead, and ink.
Now I'm angry. I keep digging with the pen and get that damn pepper out no matter how much ink I get in my mouth. Some of the pepper and lead come out, but there's a faint black waaaay in there just so smug and cozy.
I decide I will have to let it go.
I left it, and for all the foolishness to get it out, I forgot about it by the time I got back to work, and there it sat till I got home that night.
I don't think there's any kind of moral to this story.