chickenshoot (chickenshoot) wrote,
chickenshoot
chickenshoot

Claims

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Ya know it's one thing to say your product or service offers few things, and it doesn't actually do one or two of them,  but for your product not to serve its ONE MAIN PURPOSE, well, you should be shut down and chased out of town. 

Yesterday a couple spots in my mouth were aching to high hell because my gums are pulled a little too close to the nerve. I used 
A-PRODUCT-THAT-SHALL-REMAIN-NAMELESS for the first time ever, which has been advertised my entire life for tooth/gum pain. It's not for a greener lawn or for soft skin or to repel fleas. No, its one purpose on this earth is to relieve mouth pain. 



I just want to say that when I applied this stuff it felt like I put acid on the nerve of my tooth.  I kept applying it with my eyes watering because I trust this stupid shit to maybe do what it's supposed to do. Surely it will go from worse pain to deadening it if I'm patient.

No. You big fat liars.

It burned my teeth and burned where I got it on my lips. As it spread around it deadened my tongue and throat and everything but the tooth pain. If it was my goal to enhance tooth pain and turn the rest of my mouth into cotton:  mission accomplished.



This reminds me of the one time I used baby shampoo, which is always advertised as tear-free in case it gets in tiny delicate baby eyes. I got the stuff in my eyes and it burned like fire, made my eyes water---no other shampoo has ever done this. Why would the ONLY shampoo claiming to be tear-free be the one that causes tears? 





And there's the shampoo that said it leaves your hair cleaner and softer than any other shampoo, but it left my hair more dry and stripped of life and moisture than any shampoo on this planet. Why not claim something else, man? Like that your shampoo smells really good. Or that if you were wishing for a head of straw, this shit's for you?


"My hair is a little dry now..."


Or the pen that claims to write smoothly, but it actually skips more than most pens. The soap that claims to leave no film (which I've never found to be a problem in the first place) is the only soap I've ever used that doesn't seem to rinse off...

This also brings me back to the Post Office gripes. These folks are at that counter SOLEY to sell stamps, weigh packages, answer postal questions, but they act like it's the LAST THING ON EARTH they should be asked to do.  And there's the produce manager at the grocery store that I happened to be standing next to while examining canteloupes. I asked, "So how do you know if these things are ripe?" And he looked confused/bothered, and answered, "How should I know?"



How foolish of me to ask.

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